Candy Mountain!
by itsmidnighthere
Summary: In which Jane Volturi and Voldemort decide to go to CANDY MOUNTAIN.


CANDY MOUTAIN

Okay so this was actually a movie me and my friends did, and I decided to make it into a story with my two favorite characters! ^^

Hope you enjoy! I would love a review! :D

* * *

As you can see, our story starts out with that of two people a wizard and a vampire – Voldemort and Jane of the Volturi.

"Lalalalalalaala," sang Voldemort skipping through the forest.

"Raaaaaaaaaawr!" roared Jane popping out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of Voldemort.

"Avada Kedarva!" shouted Voldemort. Jane rolled her eyes. "Avada Kedavra!"

"Seriously? I'm a vampire-" Jane started.

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort still continued. Jane just sighed and sat on a chair that just randomly came out of nowhere, and began to read the book 'Twilight: A True Story'.

*A Thousand Avada Kedavras' later *

"Avada…Ke…davra," Voldemort said slowly, and then went limp from exhaustion. Jane smiled evilly and closed her book of 'Twilight: A True Story'. And reached for Voldemort's arm, and put a pinch of salt on it. Just about she was about to bite-

"Whoa! What are you doing?" Voldemort said, standing up really fast.

"Crap, it's awake!" said Jane.

"I can take you too someplace better!" Voldemort said really frightened now.

"What's better than blood?" Jane asked, with confusion.

"CANDY…MOUNTAIN!" Voldemort said, whoa when did the effects get here?

*Scene Changes *

(Sitting by a fire)

"So, the legends are true?" said Jane.

"They're no legends," said Voldemort evilly. "Look at this."

*Voldemort randomly takes out a map and opens it *

"So, we could just go here-" Jane started.

"No," Voldemort quickly said. "The maps word is Law."

"All right, then how do we get there?" Jane asked looking at the map.

"We're here," Voldemort said pointing to the map. "So we first must go to the kingdom of owls." * Dramatic pause * "Then through the forest of hallucinations, survive the obstacle course of DEATH, up the tower, and through the doors to candy mountain."

"All right then, let's go!" Jane said.

*Scene Changes again! *

(Voldemort flying and Jane turning into a bat)

So while Voldemort is flying (and smiling evilly) a random witch happens to appear flying next to him.

"No Scorpius, I don't care- well I am in the middle of flying, no I can't! (bumps into Voldemort) sorry."

"Avada Kedavra!" The witch falls to the ground.

And so they arrive at the Kingdom of Owls.

"Well, were here," says Jane. "The Kingdom of Owls."

*A lot of owls hoot *

"Who, I am the oooooowl king," A dramatic voice says.

"Owl king, how do we get out of here?" says Voldemort.

"You must first solve a seeeeeeeeeeries of hard riiiiiiiidles," says the Owl King. "Are you ready for the challenge?"

"Yes," Voldemort and Jane say together.

"You remind me of the babe," says the Owl King.

"What babe?" Voldemort and Jane say.

"The babe with the power."

"What power?"

"The Power of VoooDooo."

"Who do?

"You do."

"Do what?"

"Remind me of the Babe."

"Oooh."

"Congratulations, you have officially past, you are has wiiiise as me! Not really- now shoo!"

*Jane opens some sort of door, and they are are at the Forest of Hallucinations *

"Well, here it is," says Jane.

"The Forest of Hallucinations," finnishes Voldemort.

"Whoa! Are clothes have changed!" says Jane with shock. "Whoa, come on let's go."

*Weird music starts playing *

*They wonder around hopelessly *

"What are we gonna do?" says Jane. "This is crazy, I think we are hallucinating."

"What's going on, I think I'm going crazy."

"I don't know," Voldemort says.

"I got to get out of here, I need blood," Jane says.

*Voldemort nearly falls off of a random tree *

*Several minutes later and there still there *

"This is not right! I'm wearing pink," Jane says.

*Random person that is in charge of this whole thing, appears *

"How do we get out of here?" said Jane.

"You dance."

"What?" says Jane.

"I said, DANCE."

*Bad Romance by Lady Gaga comes on and they are suddenly dancing to it *

*Le Gasp *

"Whoa, clothes are normal."

"Well we made it out of the forest of hallucinations," said Jane. "Now to the obstacle course of DEATH."

And so our heroes reach the Obstacle Course of Death

Voldemort slides down a slide.

Jane hangs upside down from monkey bars.

"Aw come on, you know you can do it!" shouts Jane to Voldemort who is afraid of sliding down a slide.

"No…" Voldemort says.

"Come on, DO IT!" says Jane.

"No," Voldemort says, but he still does it anyway.

"Yay, we did it we survived the obstacle course of DEATH," say Jane and Voldemort.

*Scene changes again and they are at the TOWER *

"Whoa, what is that?" sayd Jane pointing at the guard thing I guess.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you it's an evil creature that guards the tower," says Voldemort.

"Okay, well what do we do?" says Jane.

"Kill it," says Voldemort smiling. "Avada Kedavra!"

The guard is dead.

*Scene randomly changes again, and they are at CANDY MOUNTAIN *

"Well, here it is," says Jane. "You better kill the guard."

"Avada Kedavra!"

Guard dead.

Jane opens the doors to Candy Mountain and they find it empty, with a I owe you note signed by Megan Fox.

"Megan Fox!" says Jane angrily crumpling the letter. "I'm still hungry," she says, and attacks Voldemort.

THE END.

* * *

P.S. Who knew Jane hated Megan Fox? I didn't.


End file.
